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Lockdown 11 – Board Games

We’ve been getting through a few board games in the last few days. I don’t want to boast too much, but I’m absolutely brilliant at Monopoly and unbeaten in our kitchen (the living room doesn’t count, I was tired).

For all those parents out there who want to claw back a tiny bit of self-respect in a relentlessly undermining universe, the key to victory is a continual irritating verbal bombardment. Getting the first full set and being the first to get those houses on the board is essential, from then you can apply the mental pressure. 

‘You’re coming round,’ rubbing your hands together, ‘throw a seven, and it’s Vine Street with three houses, 600 big ones coming my way.’ You can throw a few ‘ker-chings’ in there if you want to be even more irritating.

If they do land on you, then the negotiations can begin. 

‘Look I’ll be nice to you and let you off with the payment because that’s the type of guy I am.’

‘Thanks Dad.’

‘If you give me Park Lane.’


Relentless pressure.

I mostly win by default when someone throws the board in my face, but a win’s a win.

We’re also playing a lot of Scrabble. Unfortunately, my kids are quite good at this. Particularly at the end of the game, slotting their last two letters, which happen to be a ‘Z’ and a ‘A’, onto a vacant ‘P’, right next to a triple word score to claim an unwarranted victory. How can zap be worth more than censure or entrail, I ask you? So that’s cheating.

I hate ‘Game of Life’ because I always lose, not sure if that’s something I should be worried about.  I love Risk but no one will play because they’re scared. Snakes and Ladders, too reliant on luck, which is my get out phrase for games that I regularly lose. 

We’ve still got The Logo Game, Cluedo, Connect 4, Battleships, Chess, so that should see us through until September.

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