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Three Peaks Walk

Me and Doug did The Three Peaks Walk a couple of years ago (2011) on the Bank Holiday in August. We did it with 10 minutes to spare, so no problem at all…

Here’s a list of don’ts to help your day go smoothly:

Don’t do it on the Bank Holiday in August – there were tailbacks, collisions, bottlenecks, wide loads and that was just on the hills.

Don’t order a haggis from a chip shop in Fort William – it took 45 minutes for them to catch it and fry it.

Don’t go home before you’re finished – always good advice when doing a challenge. I live sort of on the route from Ben Nevis to Scafell Pike and thought it would be a good idea to stop off at 2.00am to ablute and grab a bacon buttie. My bed has never looked so comfily glorious, even the memory foam pillow which is as hard as a slab. Me staring at the bed cost us an hour.

Don’t run over sheep – the sheep in Wasdale sleep on the road. I don’t know why because I didn’t ask them. They just do. There was about 50 of them, snoring away – and they won’t move. It’s their road and they’re not bothered about you and your fancy headlights. We had to get out and clap our hands and do shooey hand gestures to get them to move. They eventually did, but I’m sure a couple of them stuck the hoof up at me as they left.

Don’t get shot – the Wasdale locals don’t like Three Peakers making noise at 4.00am, you might be a rustler and they have guns. As a rule I don’t talk at all after having 33 seconds sleep between Loch Lomond and a little bit further along Loch Lomond.

Don’t drive yourself – our specialist support team (wives) did most of the driving, but Doug did one section after Scafell Pike, mostly rattling along the verge with his eyes closed.

Don’t tell your wife to drive a little bit faster, if possible – she looked round, and her laser-vision burned into my skull. We continued at 55.

Don’t think you’re there when you get passed Chester – how long is that road to Bangor? I was sure we must have missed the turning and carried on to Dublin.

Don’t expect to get to the top of Snowdon – as we pushed through the Bank Holiday crowds to the top of Snowdon, we could see the mountain train pull into the station and a hundred cheats got off and started queuing to get to the little knobbly bit at the very top (see photo – that’s not one of mine I can’t find where I saved the photos). There were two options: push all hundred of them out of the way and give them a look of disgust at their laziness or say we did it and head off back down. We cheated. We didn’t do the last 5 metres of Snowdon.

Don’t tell anyone you didn’t get to the top of Snowdon – keep your cheating quiet.

Thanks for reading.

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